I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
