before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
