I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
