No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
