I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
