i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
