i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
