You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
