Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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