sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
