Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
