P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
