Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
