she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
