Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
