she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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