I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you would pick up someone in the library
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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