We won't sleep together?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
