Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
