we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
