Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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