i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
