if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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