I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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