im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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