Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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