you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
