saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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