Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
