You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
