i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
