i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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