who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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