Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
