You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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