bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
