He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
