Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
