She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
