can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
