Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
