I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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