So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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