dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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