you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
