its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
