it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i have two assholes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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