I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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