I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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