dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
