ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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