I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
