I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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