remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
