I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
